WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS A MIX OF PARODY, SATIRE, AND SOCIAL COMMENTARY. THE RICH AND FAMOUS WILL BE MADE FUN OF. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
ROMNEY WORDSWORTH – Good Evening, and welcome to the gala presentation of the First Annual Romney Awards! Yes, although a new award, many have dreamed and many have failed to earn a highly coveted Romney Award. Those lucky few who do are the crème de la crème of the Stage of History, destined to be long remembered for their fame…or infamy.
We have all of the elites of politics, media, and entertainment in attendance tonight. Logistics and physical space mean nothing in the Theatre of the Mind, after all.
As I scan around the Great Ballroom from the stage, I can see the denizens of both the New and Old Media:
There’s George Will accepting a fat envelope of cash from Debbie Blabbermouth Shultz. At the same table George Stephanopoulos is picking his nose while he licks Hillary Clinton’s shoes under the table. Yeah, George gets paid $20 million a year to host the Today Show to earn ratings just above the asterisk range. But good pay is to be expected when you are the Captain of the Palace Guard Media.
Would someone please tell Mrs. Clinton to leave her broomstick with the Valets out front? And those winged monkeys aren’t allowed in here unless they are seeing eye winged monkeys.
Alex Jones is sitting with the ghosts of Andrew Breitbart, Michael Hastings, and the Arc Angel Michael. At another table Mark Steyn and Rush Limbaugh are sitting and smoking some cigars, because we can do anything here in the Theatre of the Mind, even ignore fascist anti-smoking laws.
Oh, and way over on the extreme left side of the room, Barack Obama is taking a selfie with Angela Merkel, Nancy Pelosi, and Islamic State’s Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.
But enough of painting this mental picture for you. Let’s get to the awards! First up is our coveted Man of the Year Award. Just like TIME magazine, this is awarded to the man who most affected the course of human history this year, for Good or Evil. Unlike TIME magazine, we are willing to recognize the contributions of Conservatives and not just Liberals.
MAN OF THE YEAR: Donald Trump. Donald Trump wins the Romney Man of the Year Award for doing the most out of anyone world-wide to reverse the Tide of Evil sweeping across America. He’s doing that by successfully challenging the Washington Power Elites of both parties and trying to Make America Great Again, instead of letting us slip beneath the yoke of a New World Order.
Accepting the Romney Award for Man of the Year is…Donald Trump!
Donald Trump: “Thank you for this lovely award. This is great, really great! Melania and I are working very hard to Make America Great Again!” <huge applause> “I promise that the first thing I’m going to do is build a great big, magnificent wall on the Southern Border—and I’m going to make Mexico pay for it!” <huge applause> “I’m going to bomb ISIS back to the 7th century that they came from, and they will never, ever threaten America again.” <huge applause> “And I’m going to renegotiate our deals with China, and bring our manufacturing jobs back here.” <huge applause> “Thank you, and thank you for this award. I’m going to put it into the trophy display case at one of my golf courses, which are the best golf courses in the world.” <applause>
Runner Up: Vladimir Putin—For leading the fight on Islamic Terror by Bombing ISIS for real, and standing up to the New World Order program to destroy Europe.
2nd Runner Up: Barack Hussein Obama—For funding and arming ISIS, assaulting the Second Amendment, and using the NSA to spy on Congress. Barack has done more in one year to destroy America than anyone one else in history. And if America falls, the last Light of Good goes out in the world.
WOMAN OF THE YEAR: Angela Merkel. Chancellor Merkel wins Woman of the Year for singlehandedly destroying Western Europe and achieving what Sultan Suleiman the First could not, the Muslim Conquest of Christian Europe.
Accepting the Romney Woman of the Year Award is Angela Merkel:
Grab her, she’s got a bomb! <security guards wrestle the bhurka clad Chancellor Merkel to the floor, pulling the wires out of her suicide vest and neutralizing the threat>
Give Fraulein Stazi a cavity search. Use the drug sniffing dogs. Germans can’t write this stuff without getting arrested and thrown in jail, but Merkel can kiss my Red, White, and Blue First Amendment.
Runner Up: Kim Davis—For courageously standing up to the militant gay lobby and standing for religious freedom.
2nd Runner Up: The Women of Sweden—For their heroic suffering at the hands of Muslim rape gangs, and their refusal to report their rapes to the police, giving a whole new meaning to the term Stockholm Syndrome.
JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR: Alex Jones and the Infowars News Team. Infowars redefined the official government media script this year by exposing their serial lies, corruption, and deceit. Infowars turned the Bilderberg Group from an officially denied entity that didn’t exist, to a group that mainstream media now admits is directing the governments and banking systems of the world. Infowars has made the government admit that, yes, fluoride in the water does cause lower I.Q.’s, and the amount of fluoride being put into the water has now been halved. Infowars has exposed the government eco-engineering experiment that is criss-crossing our skies with aluminum oxides and have caused many people to question the official explanation of 9/11.
Accepting the Romney Award for Excellence in Journalism is….Alex Jones and the Infowars Crew. Here comes Alex Jones to the podium, followed by Michael Knight, Jakari Jackson, Leann MacAdoo, Joe Biggs, Kit Daniels, and Paul Joseph Watson.
Alex Jones: “The enemy is on its power mad trip and believes it has control, but it has lost its control over the media. As Jesus Christ said, should we pay taxes to Caesar? Do not be a part of the enemy’s empire. Reject the Frankenstein creations of Monsanto. Reject the lies of the dinosaur media. Reject the lies of the Democrats and the Republicans. If you are hearing my voice, YOU ARE THE RESISTANCE! There is a war on for your mind. Enlist in the Infowar! Obama is coming for our guns in 2016! As we say in Texas, YOU WANT ‘EM? COME AND TAKE ‘EM!” <huge applause>
Runner Up: Rachael Maddow and all the on air personalities of MSNBC—For their unprecedented propaganda campaign on behalf of the Democrat Party and United Nations Agenda 21.
2nd Runner Up: Breitbart News—For their wide ranging contributions to truth in reporting from around the world.
PART 2 OF THE ROMNEY AWARDS WILL APPEAR NEW YEAR’S DAY