ROMNEY WORDSWORTH – An Irish priest and a Jewish Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, “Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves.” The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, “Well, what are we going to tell the police?” “Well,” the priest says, “I don’t know what your aft’ to be tellin’ them. But I’ll be tellin’ them I wasn’t the one drinkin’.”
When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don’t tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!
Paddy and Murphy go for a day of fishing, but when they get to the bridge they realize they have forgotten their equipment. So Murphy comes up with an idea. “Paddy you hold me by the ankles over the bridge and when I see a fish I’ll grab it” so Paddy hangs him over the side. All of a sudden Murphy shouts “Paddy, pull me up quick” Paddy asks “Why Murphy, have you caught a fish?” “No, Paddy” Murphy replies “there’s a train coming”
Paddy goes to the vet carrying his goldfish in a bowl, he tells the vet I think my goldfish has epilepsy, the vet looks at the goldfish and says he seems perfectly fine to me. Oh no, says Paddy, you haven’t taken him out of the bowl yet.